My Experience is a waste of time to life and a waste of resources
(Witbank, MPUMALANGA, SOUTH AFRICA)
Life in the Desert
My Experience is a waste of time to life and a waste of resources to those around me, who support me in all my failures, LIFE SUCKS.
What is life? Is it God, is it a series of events occurring in the duration of one's existence on earth or anywhere.. Why are we born to die? Why do we feel pain but lie to say its okay?...If God almighty created creation that created life, (why death showed up?)...if Adam and Eve were perfect, why did they go wrong?.(does this seem like a game to him who created reality within existence?)... If so? Why then do we feel the pain whilst going thru things that don't treat us well?.
They say we are made in GOD'S Image, (does he fail too?). If so, what chances do we have as" mere beings."...Or if God doesn't fail then are we truly made in his image?..Thru (life, education, politics, religion etc).I've come to a point to discover that whatever I know or was taught),are all lies,(religion, politics, media-representation, information).
I'm 23 years old, Unemployed, Broke as phuck, (lacking in "Animative" personality). Neva completed high school. Quite(in High school and was regarded as a nerd...lol. But I Neva got to go the way Nerds do. I went to college but never completed my courses (because the Institution owed loads of money to the government). My future and time is delayed.
I had never been in a relationship with a women, (Single mc'Simgleton, always have and will be). In all my life, never had I been overjoyed by things happening in MY LIFE, (its always the same old sh*#)..Disappointment, failure, ("programmed procrastination", sadness) ,because of coming short. Discouraged because of things not going according to what I planed. No good results for me, (stressed, depressed,I'm always contemplating suicide).
I'm one of those quite,shy,introverted personality types, (pretending to be happy),while sacrificing myself for those I value most(friends,family,people needing my help). Then I'm getting hit with words/body parts all types of offensive oppression. I'm or at least (I was Christian till I saw it for what it is)...It resulted into spirituality because I know " that (nerds/nerd wanna bee's " are emotionally/psychologically, physically introverted). So I have a passion for Spirituality coz I FAILED AT WORLDLY LIVING, (at least, that's what I think).
I've been reading all books on spirituality that I can lay my hands on,(the knowledge is good and powerful),but it doesn't help in my daily life activities,because, (firstly, at worldly life, I've been sucking deeply) since 2012,(failure after failure in everything).
Secondly, (my spiritual life is all I got), and no results or manifestations occurs (except depression coz it means the same thing in reality(worldly living). I'm no good or progressive at what/who/I am or tried to be,(all is just the same). I may have spiritual indwelling intelligence, (Revelation, knowledge, insight,)but that doesn't get me anything).
I'm still broke, still hustling here and there. Parents paying for some of my responsibilities), on their own consent, because (they feel like that's their job as Parents). All their money spent on me and all the failures I receive, resulted in money loss for them, (Waste).
I don't wanna die, I JUST WANNA BE SEPARATED FROM THIS USELESS BODY. I FEEL LIKE I'M BURDENING EVERYONE PPL ARE SUFFERING BECOZ OF ME. MONEY IS SPENT ON FAILED ATTEMPTS TOWARDS MY LIFE. I RELIED ON DIVINE INTELLIGENCE. BUT THE RESULT IS NOT FRUITFUL FOR ME). I JUST WANNA VANISH INTO NON-EXISTENCE, WHERE I WONT BOTHER ANYONE...AND ANYONE WONT BE BOTHERED OR BURDENED